Jennifer Barnhill is a columnist for Military.com writing about military families.
Here I was in a room filled with women, mostly in their twenties, sheepishly holding cow — yes, bovine — themed presents, glued to the walls of one wife’s apartment, unsure exactly what they were celebrating.
Most were unfamiliar with military protocol. Could they pick up a crust-less sandwich now or should they wait for a secret handshake or curtsy from the party’s guest of honor, the COW or Commanding Officer’s Wife? It was confusing because we were not there to celebrate her direct accomplishments. We were surrounded by black-and-white figures of dairy producers because the COW’s husband, a commanding officer in the United States Navy, had received a promotion. And we, her juniors, were expected to throw her a party and buy her tacky figurines to thank her for her service.
Commanding officer spouses often serve as unofficial advisers to the spouses of those under their partner’s command. They host command events and manage phone trees. And because of their proximity to power, they often are the first to receive official updates, making them an invaluable source of information and structurally very important to military family support.
On the surface, I found COW parties and many other senior spouse traditions harmless. But under the glossy white-and-black veneer, I wondered if the Defense Department’s reliance upon chain-of-command…
